CONFESSION: I have neglected this blog, my novel, my coaching, and I did it with purpose. All summer, I had to make space in my life for trying to stay in sync with my husband though we were divided by distance. I was sorting through the loss of my mother, learning new lessons of hope, enjoying and teaching my children. I knew I had to discover how all the pieces of my life fit together before I could reach outside my home in a new way to draw others to Christ. I opened my tightly clenched fist and let several of my goals float away — blog stats dropped, progress on my sequel stalled, writing a Bible study challenge was put on hold, coaching calls had to wait, social media continued without me. I couldn’t do it all, I had to refocus on the foundation before I could build.
But now, with school beginning, I am blinking rapidly, trying to understand what an empty house will feel like for a few hours each day with my youngest at pre-school in the mornings. With schedule in hand, I am trying to discover what God would have me do to empower you. How do I reach you, share with you the wonder of the calling He has placed on your life? How do I encourage you, fervently urge you to look at the opportunity of the moment and allow the Holy Spirit to move through you and your family to make disciples?
Here, in the well of my heart, I began looking. Drawing deep each day, I traced out my comings and goings in my journal and prayed for God to shine His light. A pattern emerged as I journaled, I began to see new hope springing forth… how to use the gifts and talents I have to help you recognize how to use yours. But I have failed before, and I am fearful I will fail again.
Have you had this fear about a new chapter in your life? Have you sensed you are being called to something bigger than you, but you tremor with self-doubt? I’m there if I let myself be, but I know God has better things, harder things, scarier things for me to walk through than to stay trembling in the boat wrestling with this fear.
So, I’m stepping out and I pray that this time I will keep my eyes on Christ, not let myself be distracted by what waves will try to sink me. There is a Savior holding open His hand and though I may fail in the eyes of the world (I might receive a rejection from a publisher, my life-coaching clients might not grow, my calendar might not fill up with bookings for my drama events) He is using each hard thing in my life to shape me and mold me so that I might more clearly reflect Him. Only then will I be useful for Him to help you grow.
What good work do you feel God has placed in your heart and called you to do? What will happen if you don’t take the next step?
For further meditation:
Matthew 14:22-36; Ephesians 1:15-23