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My mouth is sewn shut over words I will not say
The thread weaving me together is laced with blood, for I would rather bleed than speak
I thought it was for peace I kept quiet
Quietly smiling
Teeth tight, nails piercing my palms
But it is cowardice
As though I don’t believe you when you say
“I love all of you”
All of me?
Even the things I fear to speak?
The nightmares I stuff inside
Deep inside this shell
And quietly smile
Pack lunches
And clean
Pray prayers for deliverance
While God says, “Speak the truth, in Me there is no fear.”
No purge to help me escape, no diet to calculate, I pray I will not binge and stuff this back inside.
If He has forgiven me, thrown my sin so far away to never be brought up again, then why don’t I trust and accept?
Yet still I will praise His name. He will deliver me, give me a pure heart, cut and unlace my mouth. Teach me to accept and also speak the truth in grace and love.
You’ve been waiting for me. It’s time to speak.

For further meditation: Matthew 5:1-16