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Hospital

Hospital (Photo credit: Ralf Heß)

I’m not sure that I have ever been here before. This strange waiting, but not-waiting place. Dependent on my movement, dreams will not come to fruition unless I push forward, unless I strive. In the world of writing I am completely on my own, my characters and plot lines, background stories and scenery all left up to my imagination and I speak to God about them, but they dangle midair as I flit from project to project, waiting for me to find a moment to complete things. But the world of the conference hoovers near me. She takes so many hands to create and maintain her and I pray I am learning to delegate well. My leadership skills are not yet fully developed, but I feel God smiling each time I pick myself up and start again. He is so gracious and good, surrounding me with wise counselors, I long to do His will and encourage women to love Hm best, and out of the overflow be able to love their husbands and children.

 

Business decisions lurk around each corner, but I am finding that as I speak with God about them, He removes my anxiety, reminding me that if He chooses for this to work, it will. If He chooses for it not to work, then He has something better for me. Years ago, I would have said that I trusted Him, but I have a deeper level of trust now. I am currently lying in a hospital bed recovering from major surgery. Last spring I had some problems, but during preparation for October’s conference, the physical symptoms dissipated and I thought, Wow, God healed me! Three weeks before the conference, the symptoms returned and with them, my anxiety. Again and again I returned to Him, “Lord, I cannot perform if You don’t take care of me. The pain is getting worse and I can’t jog or do yoga in those scripts of You don’t intervene.” By Tuesday morning, I had a decision to make, I would either give into fear or trust He could and would deliver me. “Lord, if You choose not to take the pain away, then I will trust You have a better plan than I do for the conference. These are Your women, You love them more than I do and know what they need. Thank You for letting me minister to them. I trust You.”

 

Over the next two days the pain nearly disappeared and I was able to physically act out everything (believably I hope). The very day after the conference, the pain returned full-force and I listened and went to the doctor. I was flabbergasted when she said I needed a full hysterectomy. How could I have gone through all I had just been through and need a hysterectomy? God. Only He could provide for me so that I could handle the physical challenges and not do any damage.

 

I don’t know what waiting place you may feel you are in. I don’t know what God wants you to trust Him with, I only know from my own experience how rich my relationship with Him has become when I allow Him to direct my footsteps. My understanding is faulty, my perceptions are fallible. I urge you, in the light of His gracious mercies, let Him truly be your God and allow Him to show you the amazing things He has for you if you will trust.

 

For further meditation: Proverbs 3

 

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