lay me down and slice me open,
cut out what is killing me
Two weeks from today, I will lay down and a skillful surgeon will methodically remove from me organs that are no longer working properly. Years ago, my husband had an emergency appendectomy. An organ we rarely if ever think about nearly ended his life. It was in the process of perforating and it took my husband weeks to recover. Each day since has been precious, but sometimes I forget. How easily could we have lost each other if we had just ignored the pain and tried to keep going and moving with what wasn’t working properly.
Do I believe each moment is a gift? Do I believe I have things inside my life that must be cut away, cleaned out, sometimes removed entirely so that I can glorify the One I claim is my God? How much am I willing to lay down? What is eating away inside of me that needs to be cut away so that I can function properly and my whole life be a pleasing sacrifice to my Lord? How much of me will I lay bare to the blade that can heal me? I know that I am a sinner without hope, except that He has redeemed me. I know my life is a gift, and an urgent one. How long do I have to love my children, my neighbors?
I am not really worried about the operation, it concerns me more that I have been living with a dysfunctional body and making do because I am too stubborn to stop and ask for the help I need. Am I doing that spiritually, too? (those who know me well may be smacking their foreheads in frustration, they have been telling me this all along) Perhaps this blog is a random musing of the questions I must sort through before I can heal, I don’t know.
What questions are you sorting through? What can I pray for on your behalf?
Before the day is over,
for further meditation: Hebrews 3:7-19