, , , , , , ,

Fogg Dam Conservation Reserve which is one of ...

Fogg Dam Conservation Reserve which is one of several reserves in the lower lower Adelaide River catchment in the Northern Territory. A thunderstorm dumps heavy rain over Fogg Dam during the Build-Up which is the lead-up to the Wet Season. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A melody lingers in the air, the tune resonates on the strings of my soul.  Have I fully grasped the lesson He has tried to teach me through it?  Though set free, in the thunderstorm of anxiety and stress I find myself returning to the prison of self-doubt and recrimination.  Old habits stretch out their metallic clasps to hold me once more, and resigned I return to what is familiar.

How is this possible?  I prayed so long to be delivered, so long to be freed, will I willingly spit in the face of my Savior simply because I fear the unknown, I fear failing and losing the dream of being useful in His kingdom?  What butterfly retreats into a corroded chrysalis?  Before me a ministry to love woman like me, imperfect and in need of salvation, in need of grasping the joy of their salvation.  God, free me from this lie, this deprecation I place on myself and let me allow You to love through me.  Let me be transparent whether I succeed or fail, let them always see You through me.