A melody lingers in the air, the tune resonates on the strings of my soul. Have I fully grasped the lesson He has tried to teach me through it? Though set free, in the thunderstorm of anxiety and stress I find myself returning to the prison of self-doubt and recrimination. Old habits stretch out their metallic clasps to hold me once more, and resigned I return to what is familiar.
How is this possible? I prayed so long to be delivered, so long to be freed, will I willingly spit in the face of my Savior simply because I fear the unknown, I fear failing and losing the dream of being useful in His kingdom? What butterfly retreats into a corroded chrysalis? Before me a ministry to love woman like me, imperfect and in need of salvation, in need of grasping the joy of their salvation. God, free me from this lie, this deprecation I place on myself and let me allow You to love through me. Let me be transparent whether I succeed or fail, let them always see You through me.