It was out of my mouth before I recognized it – habitual slang, socially acceptable threat, “I’m gonna shoot that girl when she gets home!” born of frustration (why would she tell me one thing and I find the truth to be so different??) and weariness, I give vent to the unkind thoughts of my mind, and nearly no parent on this earth would fault me. Especially since the child in question is at school and I would never harm my child intentionally. So why say it? Same reason I grumble under my breath when someone has not done their dishes, or the laundry bin overflows, or a million other tiny issues I allow to mount into bubbling, boiling words that could blister the skin off the heart of one I claim to love with my life. At home I should be my most tender, my most loving, the kindness of my words should overflow to buoy my family up so they can safely ride over treacherous terrain, knowing they are secure. But instead I find myself slipping, shouting, grouching, screeching, not unlike a broken blender whirring dangerously as everyone covers their ears.
This is not the attitude I long to have, not the “law of kindness” that should rest on my tongue. So I run back to my heavenly Father, who forgives and forgets (how does He do that?) and I start a new meditation. I need to love my girl, even in this area where she struggles, present to her the truth. I need to examine why I am so tired, what could I focus on instead to be able to react in a more Christ-like manner. And, let’s face it, I’m not good at letting go, accepting the forgiveness I have been so graciously given. So once I have pondered, I need to rest in God‘s loving arms, knowing He will work through even my greatest mistakes!
For further meditation: Proverbs 14:1, 3, 31:26; James 3:1-12